Stuttr.

When I started this blog, I had a clear picture in my mind of what it would be. I considered how often I would post and what I would post about. More than anything, I think it was intended to be a place where I would share what it’s like to be in my shoes. To be called to speak, and yet desire to be silent.

I started writing about my stutter because I wanted to understand something about myself. To put my own experiences down on paper. To be an encouragement to others in similar shoes.

Somewhere along the way, I began to realize that the deeper question wasn’t simply how I speak, but who I’m becoming.

One of my favourite quotes comes from Dallas Willard, when he says, “The most important thing that God gets out of your life is the person you become.” With all my heart, I want to become more and more like Jesus. That my inner life would be so deeply formed by Him that it would overflow into every part of my existence.

That regardless of how the words come out, my story would be less about how things sound and more about how Jesus is seen.

I think it’s taken me a year to figure that out. To really wrestle with my calling and vocation. But I suppose that’s the point. As I heard Joni Eareckson Tada say recently, “The grace of God is impossibly slow.” Being formed into the likeness of Christ is slow going. It’s a daily surrender of what I want to be. To let go of my need to be liked, my search for approval, and my desire to make sense of the unfinished parts of my life.

I’m on a journey. A daily, step-by-step, moment-by-moment walk with Jesus.

I’m here for it. And looking forward to the road ahead.