3 Ways We Make Conversations Harder for People Who Stutter.

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted—but honestly, I think that’s been helpful.

It’s given me some perspective on how to best use a blog like this. I’ve had some amazing feedback so far, and I’ve been so encouraged to hear that my story has been helpful to others who find themselves in similar shoes.

I’ve also had a lot of conversations with people asking what it’s like to live with a stutter—the everyday stuff. Although my stutter isn’t categorized as severe, it definitely shows up in my daily life.

From preaching on a Sunday morning to ordering a coffee at a drive-thru, it’s always there, reminding me of its presence.

One of those folks asked me recently, “Dan, when we’re having a conversation, how can I help?”
Man… what a great question. Believe it or not, the person I’m talking with can have a huge impact on how the conversation goes—and most of it comes down to how they respond when I do stutter.

So I thought I’d share 3 ways we unintentionally make conversations harder for someone who stutters.

1. We finish their sentence.

As I’m talking, I’m often aware of the words and letters I get stuck on. Most folks who stutter know this about themselves. We just know that the upcoming word—the one we need to complete the thought—is going to be tough. And sure enough… it gets stuck.

Now, I completely understand the impulse. You’re trying to help.
But can I say this in love? It’s not as helpful as you think.

When you finish our sentences, it becomes another reminder of what we can’t do. We resign ourselves to the idea that the words just won’t come.

Here’s my suggestion: let us struggle. I know that might sound strange. But one of the big challenges people with a stutter face is avoidance. We run from talking. And if someone speaks for us, we may lean on that too much.

We need to say the words ourselves. We need to push through.
And we need you to give us the space to do that.

So don’t finish our sentence or fill in the word. We’ll get there.

2. We look away.

I get it—stuttering can feel awkward. I’ve watched myself on camera. It’s a mix of odd breathing, funny facial expressions, and strange body language. It can look awkward.

But do us a favor: don’t look away.
Even if our eyes are down, we can tell when you break eye contact. And in that moment, we know we’re making you uncomfortable. That’s a fast track to shutting down the conversation. It feels like you’re done… so maybe we should be too.

Please, don’t look away.
Nothing is more encouraging to us than seeing you stay in the conversation. When you keep eye contact, it tells me you actually want to hear what I’m trying to say.
We know it looks weird. Just stay with us. Be engaged. Let it be a little awkward for our sake.

3. We end the conversation too soon.

Believe it or not, people who stutter have a lot to say—it just takes some of us a bit longer to say it. Like James Earl Jones once said, “The greatest pain someone can experience is having something to say and not being able to say it.”

I’ve been in conversations where it felt like the other person was doing me a favor by ending it early. After one question and answer, they see the struggle and assume the kindest thing is to wrap it up—to “put me out of my misery.”

Do you know what actually feels worse?
Not being heard.

Keep engaging with us.
Keep asking questions.
It may take a little longer, but we need the space. More than you know.

Can I just say: I know no one does these things intentionally. I’m not hurt by them anymore. But you might have someone in your life who stutters and hasn’t felt able to tell you how these moments land.

Be patient with them.
Give them space.
Don’t cut them off.
They’re longing to speak—they just need you to look them in the eye and be willing to sit in a minute of awkwardness.

And honestly? That ends up being the least awkward thing you can do.

Stuttr.